She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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