You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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