saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
