Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
