Where is the hickey?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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