I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
