you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
