Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
