Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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