i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You can't just leave with hair like that
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
