i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
