$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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