in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
