so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
How external is "for external use only"?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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