Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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