Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
