Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
