Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
