I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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