i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
