I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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