I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
