So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
