I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
