I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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