I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
