apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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