I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
