Quick, to the slutcave!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
