oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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