Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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