Why are handjobs necessary in class?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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