Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
