Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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