im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
