I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
