my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
