I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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