Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
