This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
