I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
