The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
