A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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