the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
