We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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