Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
