we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
