When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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