I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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