her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
