hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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