I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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