here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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