Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Randomize
