Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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