Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize