I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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