masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
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