xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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