I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
