She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
