I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
