Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize