we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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