dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
