I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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