GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize