Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
