this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
