I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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