The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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