He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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