oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Say something about gay babies.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
