i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize