Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's rum buckets o'clock
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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