Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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