im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
