Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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