Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I still have a little drunk in my system
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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