In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize