you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think my moral compass just broke
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
