I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
