Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
