If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
