I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
