There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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