You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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