As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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