Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
