all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
