So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
there's paper in my vomit.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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