3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
