Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he fucked my hip out of place.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Randomize
